Mr. Trump, thank you for coming. Please sit down. Would you like some water? Okay, thanks. I'll have some, though. This might take a while.
I thoroughly enjoyed your recent speech at CPAC. You really are masterful at handling a crowd. Some of my more academic friends prefer you to stay "on script." But some of your very best moments have been spontaneous. I think that's a big part of your appeal to millions of voters, which of course is a very strong qualification, as you rightly note in your application letter.
We do indeed need a candidate who can win. Not some veal-pale, smarmy corporate clone who repeats the talking points of the Chamber of Commerce and a few snooty think tanks inside the Beltway — full of Ivy League grads who couldn't get themselves elected dogcatcher in North Korea. I'm not sure you ever said that, but it's the kind thing you might say, which is a big reason we brought you here for a third interview. You move people. For every insufferable prig at a so-called conservative magazine you run off, you win 10 or 20 votes from one-time Democrat loyalists.
I'll be honest. I've been a strong supporter of yours. Not at first, I'll say. You were a social liberal for many years. When you said you'd become pro-life, I was frankly dubious. I mean, Mitt Romney said that, didn't he? Who believed it? But in office, you proved yourself a man of your word on that issue.
It's not central to all Republicans, but it is central to me and millions of GOP primary voters. For us, contempt for innocent life taints the very essence of the country. It makes us think we're living on borrowed time, in two senses. One, to be honest, that we'll end up being euthanized once Social Security goes bust. The old Andrew Cuomo COVID-soaked pillow over the elderly taxpayer's face, know what I mean?
Two, that God will finally ... give up on America, withdraw His blessings, decide that the American Exception has been revoked. Then we'll go the way of the Byzantine Empire or something. We'll be a collapsed regime whose old-timey coins get swapped by nerds on eBay.
Obviously, you care about that. The slogan "Make American Great Again" resonated with citizens in every state. You helped Republican candidates win across the country, even come close to winning back the House in 2020. And of course, I agree with you about the extent and impact of election fraud.
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